I've been called in for a parent-teacher conference. I feel confident that you, the teacher, will have nothing but good things to say about my son. He's just such a perfect angel! So of course, I'm absolutely shocked when you inform me that he's actually a total brat in your class! He's lazy, never turns in his homework, talks during class and rarely behaves. Well at first I refuse to believe it. I call you a liar and insist that this just could not be true! You inform me that he's going to be expelled if this behavior continues. I try to bargain with you, and you say that this can all be forgotten if you just do a few things for me. You tell me to drop my pants, bend over and spread my ass cheeks. At first I refuse, but I really don't want my son to be expelled, so eventually I do as you say. Once I'm in position, you tell me to wiggle my ass cheeks back forth as though they are talking. You tell me that since I've just been talking "out of my ass" this whole time, so now I'm going to get what I deserve. Suddenly I let out a long, loud fart. I'm mortified! I beg to stop, but you're not done. I keep letting out fart after fart, still wiggling my ass cheeks. Finally you feel that I've had enough, set me free. I am about ready to run out of the room, until I really think about what I've done. I decide that farting isn't so bad, and that I'd actually like to get better at it. You agree to be MY teacher, and show me what I need to learn. So I bend over again, and let out a fart for you. He tell me to keep going, so I continue to let out more farts trying to please you.