I was waiting up for you sweetie. You know you should call me when you are going to be this late. Where were you? I was worried. You never call me anymore. You think you are too old now. You were with your girlfriend, weren’t you? Sneaking in this late, I can’t imagine it was anything else. It looks like you left your zipper down, mister. Look, you are old enough that I don’t have to lecture you. You should just—hey, hey—what’s wrong? She didn’t what? Aw, you didn’t even get laid? Does someone have a case of blue balls? Let me fix that for you. Go on, don’t be embarrassed. You can touch it in front of me. Sweet young step-mom gives her son a break just this once.