Seeing you, there is no doubt you're a useless piece of sh*t just trying to freeload on my enriching existence. Let's assign you a purpose then. You want to be in my presence, after all, and I will not tolerate a useless man in my vicinity. Beg me to be my ashtray, open your mouth wide and roll out your tongue, this is your rare chance to serve me the best you can. You will devour every speck of ash, and you will thank me for feeding that disgusting cigarette butt to you. As you lean in to accept my filth, you can see the perfection that is my face, those luscious lips elegantly puffing out the smoke and you know your fate is sealed. You are now my ashtray, an obedient and pathetic collector of my cigarette ash and butts.