Wear headphones for the full experience! Another dismal holiday season rolls around the corner, repeating the same old meaningless, commercialized festivities. You already felt disenchanted by the whole Christmas affair, but this year it’s even worse. You won’t be lonely this Christmas because you’ll have me. The only gifts I demand are your obedience and adoration. I’ll lead you down the goon hole of pleasure and indulgence, transforming this pagan holiday into a ritual of Goddess worship. I want you gooning for me nonstop for the rest of the year. I want to wind you up like a mechanical drummer and watch you perform the one function that you were programmed with: jerking. My little jerk toy. My little jerk puppet. Go deep into mindless pleasure and become my toy. Your mind is mine, my own set of Lego blocks to design and reconstruct. Fill your balls like a stocking and don’t stop on Christmas day. Don’t tear it open, don’t let it end. Keep going, my little puppet. You’re spending Christmas in the goon hole for me.