I've been preparing for my upcoming fitness competition and it's time for my weekly webcam check-in with my coach (you!) However, I begin the call by asking if we can skip the check-in this week. I kind of went off my diet...like a lot...and I'm so embarrassed for you to see the damage. At your insistence, I reluctantly strip down to my bikini and show you my bloated belly and the soft layer of fat that's erased my lower abs. I show you all the new fat that's collected on my ass and legs, pinching it with disgust. I confess to you that I've put on more than eight pounds in a single week and explain how it happened. My competition is only four weeks out so I know I really need to buckle down, otherwise I'll be humiliated onstage. I tell you that I'm ready to quit the junk food cold turkey, but you think I haven't learned my lesson yet. You tell me to go get whatever snacks I have left. I return with chocolate ice cream, cookies, and a tall glass of milk. You explain that I am to eat it all in front of you, that I will eat until I get it all out of my system and never want to eat junk food again. I protest that I don't want to get even fatter but you threaten to quit as my coach, so I comply and start stuffing my face with the fattening treats. Despite my embarrassment at being made to eat like a pig in front of my fitness coach, the food tastes so good that I eat it with gusto. I confess to you that I don't think this plan will work. No matter how much junk food I eat, I always want more. I don't think I'll ever get sick of stuffing my face with sugar. You tell me that we'll have to try a more extreme technique, and you instruct me to humiliate myself by oinking and calling myself a fat pig while I binge eat in front of you. I do so reluctantly, the humiliation clearly doing nothing to slow down my gorging. Finally, with half a pint of ice cream, eight cookies, and a huge glass of whole milk in my gut, I stand up and show you the damage. My belly is SO ROUND and BLOATED, and all those calories I just shoved inside are going to turn into even more fat! How am I ever going to lose this chub in just four short weeks? Maybe I'm not cut out to be a fitness competitor after all...