I've devised a fun, little game to determine just how much of a loser you are. The prize for being the biggest loser? There isn't one, dummy! Your prize for having such a history of tragic experiences is getting to pay me for it! I'm gonna ask you a series of invasive questions, taking my time to emphasise the humiliation of each one, and for every one that applies to you, you have to send me $20. You owe me for every little rejection, failure and embarrassing moment!