So you want to join the cult? We knew you’d make it here. It’s only natural to seek out heaven when hell on earth is rampant in average human life. Now that your mind has been opened, there is a vacancy remaining empty until you decide to fill it. It’s only a few steps, we promise. Now, who is this we? Why, we are the collective. We are all. We are the Goon Cult. It can be daunting to consider the goonhole you frequent to be deeper than anything you’d ever considered before, deeper than just something you jerk off to but here in the cult, we will be showing you the roving lands of the goonscape, ripe for pleasure and for the roots of bewildering addiction. You aren’t scared, are you? You shouldn’t be. You can trust me! Just like you always have. There’s a place for you here. Don’t you want to find out what that is? [ To perform this ritual, you will need : lube, a dark room (free of distraction), your fist, headphones, a small mirror, and an open mind ]