Caught & reprimanded by the HR manager

Thank you for coming to see me in my office. Take a seat. Do you have an idea why you may have been called in here? Hmm? Oh, you thought I wouldn't notice all the times you stare at my legs? Well I can't blame you. Especially when they're in pantyhose and heels. You are a man after all. But actually, I don't really care about that... it isn't the main reason I brought you in. No, you see, I have been hearing rumours about you watching porn in the work bathroom. As the HR manager, I must address this. The way I see it, you have two choices. 1. I follow the company procedure which may lead to you getting sacked. 2. I conduct my own "performance review". Well, the choice is yours