I've been your life coach for over a year now and you've called me in for an emergency meeting. Apparently you need to tell me something very, very important. You're afraid that I think you're nothing but a pathetic, worthless virgin and you know what? You're right! You are useless as a man. Your sex life is utterly nonexistent and for good reason - you could never hope to please a woman in any way. I laugh and humiliate you until you are reduced to tears. Don't cry, little virgin. I'm going to help you. It's high time you embrace your loserhood once and for all!