When I say these things are broken, busted, and past their prime I really mean it. I was walking the other day when I noticed my gait seemed awkward, and it turned out to be the heel of my boot coming completely apart! These have been my favorite pair for many years and I’m so sad to be retiring them, but before they are put out to pasture it’s only right that they receive one nice last round of worship. That’s where you come into play. I’m going to let you bow down and use your mouth, hands, eyes, and nose to worship my broken down boots. I want the seams sucked, the lint licked, and the leather to shine when you’re all finished. I’ll even allow you the privilege to tug, touch, and edge yourself while you work and worship. How generous of me…