Honey, I am no longer satisfied with being your girlfriend on the side. I am ending this relationship. But, I don't want the gifts you give me to stop. You are going to continue funding my life because if you don't, I will send your wife everything. All our vacation photos, your dick pics, your desperate calls to me after work. Your wife thinks you've earned a promotion, but in reality, you've been spending all your time with me and slacking off at work. She won't like that. So you're going to keep me happy by sending me half of your paychecks. I've earned it for dealing with your sorry ass. You better send it, honey!