I have a lot to express, but sometimes gaslighting blinds me

How can I remember what is real and what is not? I have been guided by my instinct for the longest time of my life, since in a home where "I do it for your good" is more than a religion, I have seen the need to demand myself to remember based on my body, to my emotions, basically as if I were a little pet... sometimes I'm scared, but is it true that you can change the past through quantum leaps?