Your entire day will be consumed with my voice saying "Lock the Cock" after you finish watching this. The aim is to drill this idea into your impermeable skull until you finally give up and lock it away. Given that it is now Locktober, you can expect me to be in the most profound state of denial that is humanly conceivable. There are only 31 days to go, will you be able to last that long? We shall uncover the truth, no matter how it may present itself.