Happy anniversary, babe! Before we get on with our celebrations, I wanted to suggest a new direction for our relationship. Something...a bit...kinkier. I first want to acknowledge our sex life. It's boring and uninspired. You never were good at pleasing me. But that's unfair -- I want you to be able to please me. And I thought of an excellent idea for you to do so. It's by being my toilet. I mean, think about it: I need to take a dump every single day, and what better way for you to truly satisfy me than my blushing it all down?