Spending Valentine’s day alone? Not surprising at all! That’s the place for a loser: at home, with his hand and a ton of porn. You’ll never have a woman in real life, but you have Me to remind you that if you embrace the loser in you and accept that relationships aren’t for you, you can find a lot of happiness in porn and gooning. Just forget about all the things you can’t have, listen to my mean words and goon until your brain melts.