You're a joke, a walking, talking embodiment of inadequacy, and your attempts at self-pleasure are the punchline. The very idea that you could satisfy yourself, let alone anyone else, with that pitiful excuse for a penis is the height of comedy. Your dick is a tiny, ineffectual thing, barely deserving of the name, and watching you try to jerk it off is like watching a chld play with a toy that's too complex for them to understand. It's pathetic, truly, but oh so entertaining. Oh, how you amuse me, struggling to find satisfaction, resorting to rubbing against a pillow like a desperate, hormone-addled teenager. It’s pathetic, truly, a spectacle so demeaning yet so fitting for someone of your...caliber. Your existence is a constant source of entertainment, a never-ending comedy show where you’re the bumbling, inadequate clown.