I come into your office to give you your diary, but you reveal to me you've been told to give me my written warning due to some mistake I've made.. but it's clear it's not your choice.. this is coming from HR. I may not be too good at all those boring jobs like booking meetings etc.. but there is something I'm very good at. I've come to realise you have a very strong satin fetish.. hence why I've been coming into work with lots of new satin outfits, I love seeing you hide your hard on, teasing you as I brush past you.. so as a little way for you to kindly tell HR to fuck off... why dont you finally relieve all that built up tension while I tease you with my satin outfit.. ending with you coming all over me.  Now maybe next time we can get even naughtier... but maybe that could include a little payrise too ;)