Now that we're married, we really need to talk about our future together. You promised me that you’d make me immobile, remember? I hope you weren’t just saying that to get me to waddle down the aisle. You do want this big, soft, blubbery body of mine to grow even bigger, don’t you? I want to feel my own weight pressing me down, unable to move. I want you to revel in watching me get larger, heavier, and more useless with every bite. Knowing that every extra pound is just another way I’m eternally yours.