We both know that your life would drastically improve if you were to lose your balls. A man in your position has no need for testicles, and they just get in the way, right? So, let's get rid of them, finally. You have been obsessing over the idea for years, even telling a few people your deep desire to be neutered. I think you should go for it, what do you have to lose? I don't think you should wait any longer. Light humiliation, talk of self castration, male gendered language.