You're fucking ugly. Like really ugly. There's no fixing it. You can follow all the typical advice given to people who want to improve their looks and you'll still be hideous. You might get fit, but you'll still be ugly. You might fix and style your hair, but you'll still be ugly. You can get an entirely new wardrobe but you'll still be ugly. There isn't any way to fix just how horribly fucking ugly you are.