Welcome to our first Gooners Anonymous meeting! Before we begin I want to remind you that in order to truly make a change in your gooning habits, you must first decide to do so. Today we are going to be investigating the function gooning and unconsciously masturbating or engaging in sexual acts has served for you. Because of course, acknowledgment of the problem is the first step toward solving the problem and/or changing the behavior. Please know this program was created only from a place of love, with an intention to help you. I hope you feel it.