POV: You're on a first date with me! You're so handsome, you look just like your photos on Tinder~ Me? Maybe I've gained a few pounds since then, but it's not a big deal, right? Right? I order soda after soda after soda, quickly chugging and belching loud after finishing each one. What? Never been thirsty before? The waiter comes and I order 2 large pizzas, just for myself. I gobble down each slice while burping and farting rudely, barely trying to hide it at all. You've decided you're obviously not interested anymore after seeing how gross I am, even in public. All this food made me so *urp* gassy already, but hey--where's my dessert? You don't have enough money after all the food I ate? Well, we might have to make other arrangements.