Karen suspects I've been having an affair with her husband — which I absolutely have, but I talk with her to alleviate her concern. I'm teasing her though. Every description I mention all clearly indicate I'm fucking him: Karen, I know your husband and I spend a lot of time together…especially when you’re at work. I know that bothers you. But you don’t have to worry, Karen — I’m not interested in your husband like that. I promise — I am not fucking your husband. I know you come home from work most days and I’ve been in your house for hours — alone with him. And I know most of the time I’m wearing practically nothing. I always make sure your husband sees all of womanhood, to its fullest extent. It’s just something I enjoy. I will admit, he has bought me nightgowns which are completely sheer, and transparent slip dresses and everything you can fucking imagine. He’s just so thoughtful. And I love wearing that stuff for him. He just —enjoys it so much. Mmm…and I make sure he enjoys it. And Karen, your husband does stare, yes. And I let him. I mean, even if I didn’t let him — I don’t think he could help himself. One time, you came home and found me getting out of your shower, and your husband was staring into the bathroom —his mouth open, slack-jawed. And Karen, he was so goddamn hard —goodness gracious. He was up like fucking crank-shaft, wasn’t he? Mmm…poor thing. Yeah, he gave me a standing ovation that day. You must think your husband wants to fuck me, right? Mmm…well, it’s just a huge misunderstand Karen. And that time you came upstairs and found us naked in bed together; my face all blushed and gorgeous. We were just experimenting with a type of morning yoga. It’s just a yoga you perform in bed — naked — with your partner. And since you were at work, I… well… Karen… I took matters into my own hands that day. And I will admit, at one point — I did spread his legs apart, and I did lay on top of him. My thighs settled against his penis, softly massaging him — back and forth…back and forth…until… well, Karen — it doesn’t really matter what happened after that. Let’s just say — we were finished by the time you found us. Actually, your husband finished a couple times before you found us. Oops! Maybe that sounds wrong. Well, don’t worry. Your husband is very, very excitable man, I must say. And all those other times you’ve come home to the sound of clapping, clapping, clapping coming from upstairs. And my voice crying out your husband’s name —until my voice breaks in half. I know what all this seems like, Karen —like he’s fucking my brains out. But I promise, this is just a huge misunderstanding. I promise, we are not fucking. And he’s definitely not ejaculating inside me. He’s not getting me pregnant because we’re having so much sex while you’re at work. Karen, you have nothing to worry about.