I'm giving you a tour around my marvellous medicinal garden. I'm self taught of course, but so, so knowledgeable. Dressed in jodhpurs, high heeled platform boots, tweed jacket and silk scarf, I'm every inch the grand lady as I explain my wonderful garden to you. These leaves for example! Wonderful for the complexion! I rub them on my face, and on my bottom too, over the jodhpurs. They're so potent, they can even work through clothing. I continue to lecture you, but something's amiss. My bottom is beginning to itch! Urging you to look away, I can't resist scratching and scratching, trying to rid myself of the fearsome itching. I must have selected the wrong type of leaf! What a damned nuisance!! I realise I simply have to pull my jodhpurs down and check that nothing is seriously wrong. I told you to LOOK AWAY!!! I examine my bare ass, and nothing looks wrong, but - horrors - the worst of the itching is coming from my butt crack and anus! And I can't see them. I'll have to appeal to you to check for me! This is the absolute worst day of my LIFE!!!