You know how important and essential it is to keep the population safe from the spread of infectious diseases. I have invited you into my office for a routine checkup and a free flu test. Do not worry and stay still - this will be only mildly uncomfortable. I'll simply use this one time use swab to take a sample from your tonsils and nostrils so open wide! Well done, you did amazing! Nowadays, new gen tests are very quick and will show the results in mere seconds, give it a few seconds... OMG! You have been tested positive for LOSER! Too bad I'll have to immediately report the findings to your friends and fam plus all future potential girlfriends, but we both know you won't have any and are destined to the lifetime of jerking, haha!