I bet you're wondering why I brought you to my home office? You see I need to have words with you, you know that there is CCTV in our actual office right? Well there's been an awful lot of footage of your back lately, and your arm shaking and it kind of looks like you've been wanking at work... Now don't feed me any cock and bull excuses, I've been spying on you through the camera on your laptop for work productivity reasons... So I can tell when you've been slacking off... Or in your case... Beating off. This should be grounds for a swift disciplinary, but I'm going to give you one chance to save your career... Show me what you've been doing to end up with sticky keys, degrade yourself so I don't have too.