You’re so sweet to bring me to the beach after I just had that awful breakup. You’ve always been such a good friend for me, even volunteering to drive us both here! Oh… do you see that guy over there?? He is SO hot and he’s coming over here. I’m sorry that he seems to view you as a loser and a dork, but I do admit that everyone at school has always said that too. Oh no, it must be uncomfortable to have him dumping sand down your swim trunks and then giving you a bouncing wedgie for so long! Wow!! He is so strong to pick you up and hang you from that wedgie on the life guard’s stand. Don’t worry, I’m sure the lifeguard will help you down when they get back from their break. I’m going to go hang out with these guys. But this is great for you too, you won’t have to drive me home now, see you later!