Hey bestie, how have you been? We haven’t seen each other in so long and I’m sooo eager to catch up. I heard from our friends that you’re dating a new girl. How’s it going? I want all the details. Ah, she broke up with you? I’m sorry. This always happens to you. You meet a great girl, you two get along, and then they disappear on you. We both know why. I mean, who wants a beta virgin whose only sexual partner has been his hand? I know that was mean but we both know you only contact me after a girl dumps you. You do it because you need to be reminded by the only mean girl honest enough to tell you why you will never get pussy. Why you will be nothing but a fist-pumping gooner for the rest of your life. It's because you are a premature ejaculator, a beta bitch boi, and you have a pathetically tiny three-inch penis. Here come the tears. I’m sorry but there's one thing that has always been true. Women like real men and you are not that. You’re short, you have a girly body, you’re a wallflower, you’re not athletic and you’ve jerked your tiny little nub so much it looks deformed. Now do your pathetic two-finger tug exactly as I say, while I tell you why you’ll never fuck anything but your hand. You can keep crying if you want. It’s kind of hot. Also, you worthless prejac, you better not cum until I permit you. I want this to last longer than one minute. I might make you eat your cum this time. I want to add something new to your humiliation.