Here’s the deal loser…you’re going to be making some changes this year. You’ll be doing things the Goddess Venus way. I know how much you love to hump your hand. You’re a jerk off loser. You’re a stroking addict. From now on you’re going to be jerking off at least once a day to my porn. You’ll be buying all of my clips. Every single one. I don’t care if they turn you on or not. You’re buying them all. No more going out. You’re entertainment from now on is my videos. No Netflix. No Hulu. No HBO Go. I’m all you need. My clips, My *********, and my Twitter feed. Really want to treat yourself? You can buy a custom clip. With all that money you’re saving you can afford to send me more. Losers don’t deserve to spend money on themselves. No coffee. No soda. No tea. You’re not allowed to consume anything but water. Why waste money on futile things when you can spend that ca$h on me? You’re a loser. You need me. You need my guidance. You’d be lost without me. You’re so lucky I’m making these resolutions for you. This year is all about me. All about Venus. I am your reason, and I am your meaning. Completely devote yourself to me. Every night before you go to bed and every morning you wake up you’ll repeat this mantra: “Goddess Venus is my everything. I will do whatever it takes to please her.” You were born to be my bitch. You were put on this world to serve me. So go deeper. Give in. Let go. Fall deeper down this hole of addiction. You’re so lucky you found me. Your life would be meaningless without me.